Dear Baya,

                  I must say, families are a mixed blessing. Sometimes they’re great – I love my mum and dad and Rosa my sister – and of course you and Granny and others. Other times I hate them. Sometimes I think what they say makes sense and follow their advice. Other times I can’t see how they can be so stupid.

    Why do I often feel angry and rebellious, or crushed and frustrated? Surely it should be possible to think of a better way of bringing people up? Don’t other societies have more sensible systems where people know their place and feel they really belong? How do they manage in your Nepalese village or in China?

     Why are we given such contrary signals all the time? Sometimes we are told to be independent and stand on our own feet, then treated like babies and our wishes and hopes trampled upon. It is very confusing.

     Come to that, how does our family system work? No-one ever bothers to explain the rules or reasons for family life, yet they are so important. And when we start our own families, how can we explain how they work if no-one tells us this?

     It’s all very mysterious. Much of our family seems to be based on secrets and lies or on traditions and customs which are never explained to us. And  my teachers don’t seem to have much idea of how it all works.

     Anyway, where did our family system come from? Is it unusual, old, dying out? How do we know who our relatives are, what to call them, how to behave to them?

      These are a few of the things I’d really like to know, and you being my grand-father (Baya) seem to be just the person to tell me.

                  Lots of love,